mein aur meri kavita

this sem i did something which i never thought wud b able to do ...writing poems (nt exactly bt something closer to that )...

being an LLP *(latak latak ke pass )*for the most part of my education career,i never gave it a serious thought ..and still dont ...but then there are circumstances (read :FT ,MATHS lecs ),which forces u to do things and the outcome can be surprising .

my poems are still amatureish ,still kiddish ...but at the end of the day they r mine ...so that doesnt matter ...time will have its due effect of betterment ....

wrote this in one of the maths lecs ...

i carried u for 9 months,
shaping a new soul ,a new life within me;
for the greatest gift of god i was,
which they called -mother .


the first kick,the first sensation,
that radiance,that feel,
every passing moment, i felt every bit of you;
those magic moments i cherished,
bonded me stronger with you.


you filled the void within me ,
with beauty of life,with gallons of love.
perhaps this was the moment in life ,
for which every women thrived.

but then
they called me a prostitute ,a whore;
without really understanding my core.
they called me names -
that wud put a women to shame ;
for surrogate i was,
just b'coz a surrogate i was!

yes there was a compulsion,
for money as i mention.
before reaching a conclusion ,
trust me ,
there was always an element of altrusion.


destiny has its own ways,
for strange rules the creator lays ;
tomorrow u may be miles away,
but for u, my son
my heart will always have a place ...

murga ban ...kaan pakad

apologies for my absence for a long time ....specifically to those who actually gave a visit to this blog in this span of time ..

its not that i had nothin to write , infact i hav lots to say.this whole sem has been gr8...wunderful learning experiences ....and i my next couple of blogs will try and share some of these ....so all u folks get ready for some gyan from the agyani himself ...

10:30hrs IST

focus ..i said.drops of perspiration appearing on my forehead .i was thinking hard .desperately searching through my memory device ,it had to be somewhere there ..i closed my eyes and tried to concentrate ....

24 hrs before.......

i call up vinayak ,a casual call just to check the "enthu level" in the college ....."external aaya nahi hai ...sab log upar baithe hain .."he informed.after a brief discussion about each other's strategic position, we end the call .next one hour passes by just staring at my WST copy as my mind refuses to grasp any thing -it usually doesn't. after lazying around for another two hrs i decide its time to call vinayak for another round of our usual conversation .... i strt off saying the usual" kitna hua??". "phati padi hai yaar . khadus external hai .phaad raha hai ...chandan aur apte ab takk aaye nahin bahar...ek ghanta ho gaya .. suddenly i feel a rush of blood ..knowing i was still not done with even 10%of the syllabus ..

the next couple of hours i try and read as much as i can ...in between call up gurtej ,bhadri and rest of the chaps to know abt the siuation (ppl never do this specially when u r down ...it just adds to ur problems )...it didn't take time to realise that my condition was hopeless ...more bad news flows for the rest of the day as gawde is called again the next day ....the rest of the day flies by without nothing really constructive,concrete .finally at 1 hr past midnight i resign to my fate..hoping to catch up with some sleep

6:00 hrs IST

she arrived right on time .i could see her there, in bright maroon,her lean slender body,that grace.,that aura around her ,what a beauty she was . she approached near... my mind started its usual mechanics and calculations and with an immaculate sense of timing i jumped on to her . my first instinct was to turn right but at the very last second i decide to take a left and with a finish which would put even powell to shame i reach there- u know wat getting a window seat in a local train is difficult believe me .

7:30 hrs andheri stn ...
having reached andheri station on time i heaved a sigh of relief ...finally i was going to be on time ....with mom and dad out of town i had serious doubts abt me getting up on time ...with none of the rick guys ready to come to bhavans ,i decided to walk down...somehow it felt like walking upto a guillotine.. a prisoner about to be beheaded .deep inside i was nervous ..hundreds of thoughts bombarding through my mind ...its a feeling a prey gets just before getting hunted .....the world around me seem to have slowed down ..my god what was happening...

back to original time ..
the problem was ,i had connected the circuits but somehow couldn't recollect how to trigger it.or did i even know how to??i tried hard to ask bhranti on the other table ,but she was too focussed to even entertain .
roll no.39,40,41...called out rjm .the time had come to date the demon ,my first encounter with VIVA's

DATE WITH THE DEMON :
as i entered the room the demon ,one mr. mane was busy taking viva's of the previous group.he just handed me a blank page and said "SMPS". that meant i not only had to draw a diagram of something i never knew was in the syllabus ,even explain it ..."pardon me sir " was all i cud reply back ....SMPS he thundered ...i knew i was dead.

all i knew abt "smps "was that it was used in the CPU ...thats it blank ...i contemplated drawing a cpu and show some part as smps..all this while i cud hear the group before me being butchered.i was trying hard ..to atleast remember the name of the chapter...but was just blank ...

my time had come ,to meet the demon ,eye to eye,man to man ...he was abt middle aged ,dark in complexion, bulky frame ,a bull- doggish face,and yes a
very negative aura arnd him ...

to be contd....

“Performance leads to recognition. Recognition brings respect. Respect enhances power. Humility and grace in one's moments of power enhances dignity of an organisation,”
-n.r.narayana murthy

pain is temporary ...quitting last's forever.

--lance armstrong

YEH HOSLA

am sure this will pump u on ...

YEH HOSLLA :DOR

Yeh hosla kaise jhuke
yeh arzoo kaise ruke
manzil mushkil to kya
dhundla saahil to kya
tanha yeh dil to kya…

Raah pe kaante bikhre agar uspe to phir bhi chalna hi hai
shaam chupa le sooraj magarraat ko ek din dhalna hi hai
rut yeh tal jayegi
himmat rang layegi
subah phir aayegi …
Yeh hosla kaise jhuke
yeh arzoo kaise ruke…


Hogi hume jo rehmat ada dhoop kategi saaye tale
apni khuda se hai yeh dua manzil laga le humko gale
jurrat sau baar rahe
ooncha ikraar rahe
zinda har pyaar rahe…


Yeh hosla kaise jhuke
yeh arzoo kaise ruke
manzil mushkil to kya
dhundla saahil to kya
tanha yeh dil to kya…

my first encounter with a transexual

in first place i dont know why i m writing this ...ppl talk abt their encounter with chicks ....hunk ....celebrities...blah blah and blah .....man i m talking abt trans sexuals(my sexual orientation is straight mind u ).....well its just that sometimes in life u counter certain incidents which occupy permanet memory in ur storage device ............

it was the usual day in kota .......after all those assignments and dpps ..i had managed to find time for myself .......early morning it was (arnd 10 am to be precise)..after all the morning chores (which strictly included only the basics ....bathing was excluded ...it was a weekly activity....sometimes fortnightly)i went directly to the pohewala..had a gud breakfast of freshly made poha ...with pyaaz and tomato toppings (this is all we had in the menu)..and a cutting chai.....ppl all arnd were their usual self ...discussing their problems and clarifing their doubts .....i turned a deaf ear to them ...man theres life beyond this ..how can they be like ...geeks ...surely their genes r mutated..nope it is mUtAtED i cribed.......

after attending the gr8 mEChaNIcs lecture(which i hated the most during my early days ....although was mesmerized by its beauty later) ,i had to rush to the railway station for tickets i had to book (was supposed to go home for the vacations )...i was already late ...the ticket counter wud be closed within an hour ..i boarded a dukkar -a hybrid of a van and a rick ....which fits in ppl as in the local trains ...but any way they came in cheap so who cared ...zooom he went and within 35 mins i was at kota railway station ...i rushed to stand in a queue ,filled in the prerequEsite form (shit had forgotten my pen ...had to run around and eventually beg an old lady to lend me one ...who did give me the pen not before explaing me how careless i was...PS-all women r the same )......soon managed to book a ticket .....and man ... i was relaxed ... ,felt as if i was already at home ,felt as if i had already won the war..

while comming back i decided not to catch the usual DUKKAR instead went for a rick ...a share-rickshaw .....quietly i took a corner seat , closed my eyes and waited patiently for my rick-partner ........then suddenly i heard the rickdriver in his deep voice "aoo mausi ...baithoo....aur kya haal hai? ".........i saw her get in to the rick and then she turned towards me ...i was shockd...suddenly felt numb ...felt as if i was watching somebody frm the outer world ..SHE WAS AN ENUNCH ....she was a transsexual ..our eyes met and i was like suffering frm multiple- emotion syndrome ...scared ,excited ,shocked,curious and dumb all at the same time ....all of a sudden u realize u r sitting within a meter of a chakka ....i strted to sweat...and drops of perspiration showed on my face .....all the memories rushed back ...how they wud try and ask for money in trains...worse ...all that i had heard that they wud catch children and ........(now stop laughing ..some chap(courtesy sachin babar) told me this and all my childhood i was scared they wud really chop it off .. ).......by this time i had managed to stop staring at her and regained my composure ...... i tried hard not to stare back pat her..but that is exacly wat i did for the next few minutes ...

...she must have been t middle aged ..may be abt 35 ...wheatish in colour ...wore a heavy makeup ....wore golden bangles ...jet black hair heavily oiled ......had this protruding big eyes which were staring back at me .....and then i did the unthinkable ......mustered all my courage and gave her a big smile and said hello (FCUK...wat was i doing ???just imagine urself doing this ).....she was kind of shocked ...i am sure it must have been one of the rare moments in her life when somebody bothered to say a hello ....nobody must have ever said it this way to her .....somebody giving her a warm smile(though i was scared to hell) ... ...somebody behaving humanly with her.(or was she thinking i was a psyco or something or perhaps a h*o*m*o*)........she smiled back and i didnt know wat to do.......

it was a perfect example of how human emotions can sometimes tell u more abt a person ......some how i was relieved ...comfortable ....and then began one of the rarest conversation in my life ...

next i asked her where she lived and wat she did .....she politely replied (in her deep voice )that she worked for for a restaurant washing utensils and lived in a slum outside the city....soon we ended up in a conversation ....she talked abt how they were not allowed to stay in any of the colonies ..how ppl differentiated them ...abt not finding jobs ...or even if they were employed they wud end up working late with meagre salaries ......i dont remember much of the conversation but one thing she said i will never forget in life .....she said god made her different ...she had to slog for her life ,being socially unacceptable ...but still she had no complaints ....and that she wanted to live her this life with "izzat"...this very thought shook me up .....we usually complain abt evey thing in life not really seeing the brighter side ..and here ...there was an enunch telling me she had no complaints ......with life ,with god ,with anything ....but justasking to look at life frm the positive side for a moment i just didnt know wat to say .....i was lost ..deep in to thoughts ...deep into the inner meanings her words meant ....

soon chavani chauraha approached(this is where i was supposed to get down and i asked whether she wud have a chai ..(shocking u wud say ....but i didnt feel even slight discomfort ......i have never really asked a girl for a coffee,too nervous and shy for that...and here i ws asking an enunch for tea .......)..so me ,she and he (the driver)had a cup of chai and pyaaz kachori .....ppl arnd were staring at me ..but i didnt give a damn ...somehow i was changed ..

soon we went our ways ......she back to her different world ,dark and inhuman i guess .....and i back to mine which was definetely inhuman full mechanics ,chemictry, tests and shits and all those muggus'

that night i was again lost in philosophical thoughts in some other world...writing something .. asking for answers ........which are still to be found ....

exams went fine .....and was travelling back to mumbai in train ...when all of a sudden someone said" ayye chikne chal de na "...fcuk it was an enunch ....me confused as usual ...didnt know wat to do ...and all those memories rushed back ........

P.S-my ***** is still fine ...."long live the PoPaT"